The when, how and should I? De-escalation for the Primary Classroom. How to be Calm in the Storm. Steps to de-escalating our primary’s youngest students. It is no secret that violence in the classroom is on the rise. The pandemic has done an additional number on our littles. We are seeing this on a daily basis in our schools. More and more I am drawing from my bank of support tools to help my students navigate in a world post pandemic. Which for many is only their second full year in a classroom without disruption. It is near impossible to control the circumstances that lead to a student loosing control but with the right formula you will hopefully avoid class evacuations. Calm your student faster and move on with the day in the most successful way.

What causes Escalation and how do I know when to Intervene with De-escalation Strategies?

It is a common misconception that a disregulated student has the ability to calm if they decide to. Your student is not choosing their behaviour once escalating signs have set in. They are spinning and it is scary for them. They can not do things differently, so it is essential that we do. Even when given the best tools, the best staff, the “perfect” environment, we still won’t be ticking all the boxes needed for daily success. Sometimes it’s developmental, other times it’s outside sources, such as home life or social struggles with peers. Sometimes it’s that the fluorescent lights are buzzing too loudly. Or maybe it’s the tag on the back of their shirt that was cut off for their comfort but still has a little piece rubbing on the back of their neck… We just don’t know, which is what makes our approach to de-escalation essential to their success.

So how do I de-escalate successfully? Tell me…

Be quiet. First words you need to ask yourself and I’m not kidding is, am I talking when I should be quiet? Am I getting drawn into the situation? Am I taking it personally? Almost always the child is simply working off learned behaviours. The same behaviours that have likely gotten them some kind of tangible reward in the past, from someone. This is not personal, it is based purely from a need that has not yet been met. We just have to figure out how to replace the undesirable behaviour with something that will create success. But more importantly, we have to separate child from behaviour they are not one in the same.

De-escalation Steps: Be calm, Set Achievable Next Steps, Be Quiet.

So this is what I do. Real talk. I set a boundary, with an achievable expectation to help my student be successful. Almost always I achieve this by being quiet. I don’t do frequent check in’s. Or ask a student that struggles with social and communication skills to talk it through. I do say we don’t behave that way at school. Do you need to take a break? (We would have previously talked about appropriate breaks when they are calm) Let me know when you’re ready… Does that work every time? No, but 95% of the time it does. I continue to teach. Ignoring small signs of escalation: huffing, grunting, moving around the room, because often these things are ways to self regulate and interrupting that will lead to the escalation I want to avoid. These behaviours will happen when they want to know if I’m going to escalate with them. I know this, so I don’t. I just give additional wait time. Lot’s and lot’s of wait time.

What about the Consequences? How will they know not to do that again?

Short answer here is they will do it again. The hope is it will become less and less often and their successful days more frequent. The consequences are natural and here is the trick to getting your students to want to comply… be kind, be trust worthy, be consistent and be quiet! I can’t emphasis that enough. Maybe you have heard the saying: “‘It’s hard to argue with someone that won’t argue back” it’s actually a true story. Seriously thanks Mom, solid advice. There is nothing less satisfying to a student looking to gain negative attention than an adult that shows love and kindness. At first this will be confusing to them, then it will feel good, then they will seek this new approval all the time and that’s when the good stuff happens. It’s not magic but over time it kinda is.

With Love, C.