So I’ve done a lot of work around the word calm in my personal and professional life. What does it mean, how do I achieve it, how can it help me be better in life? I’ve discovered in most circumstances CALM is where it’s at. Remaining calm when emotions are running high is a true art. We know as professionals children don’t have the ability to process and rationalize the same as an adult. Yet sometimes, it is forgotten and nothing good can ever come of it.
The Calm Before The Storm.
Children have this amazing way of DEMANDING attention. In most situations they have learned that no attention is bad attention. Any attention meets that need. So our goal is to target that need and shower it with Positive attention. In most situations, this seed gets planted outside of crisis time, so you are showering them with this love on the regular. “Wow! I love how Suzy cleaned up her mess without me asking”. “That’s so great Jane that you sat on the carpet quietly and remembered to whisper talk while you were waiting for me”. “I know how important that lego building was to you Sam, I’m so sorry your feelings got hurt when Dylan knocked it over, maybe we can try to build another one, together”?
The Storm.
We know that during our day there will be numerous fires that we will need to put out. The key is adding water, not fuel to that fire. Since we have done all the ground work before hand our students know our interventions are in place to help. It is at this key pivotal moment that calm matters the most. Your student may be screaming, throwing or destroying things but it is how you respond in this moment that makes all the difference. If you notice the situation is escalating, ask yourself, am I calm? If the answer is no, don’t worry just bring yourself back to a place of control. This not only shows your students how to do it but it also helps us to recognize how important our role is in all situations.
Bringing Back The Sunshine.
Here is where I draw a boundary line for my students, it is firm, kind and reasonable. You will not behave that way here. I will help you but you must be calm first. You can take breaks but you can’t hurt people or things in this safe space. It normally only takes a couple of times for my students to understand they will get Zero attention for this poor behaviour. I have not elevated. Staying very quiet and calm is key. Do not repeat instructions or try to stop the situation, (they can’t hear you). Just become one with the room (once you know your other students are not in harms way). Once calm has returned for my student I praise their ability to do so. We talk about better ways to handle our feelings. We move on with our day.
Continued Expectations
Some children have a harder time remaining calm. This can be for a variety of reasons. The main point stays the same regardless of the situation. Remain calm and teach them the beauty of it. As a skill, in life, this one is essential and although it may not seem like it should be our job it is one of the most valuable skills we can teach our tiny humans. So when it feels overwhelming for you (and it will) just remember you got this and bring on the sunshine. Thanks for all that you do!
With Love, C.
