Are you tired of hearing the words set healthy boundaries or fill your own cup? As you take on your hundredth task for the day and the clock just ticked to eleven am. Easier said than done right? I have spent many years trying to perfect this skill. I’ve learned since having children of my own that it boils down to one key skill. I’m going to share how I do that now, after one too many burnouts. As caregivers we are maternal which makes us terrible at saying no even when we are at absolute capacity.

So what can we do?

Learn the power of No. It should not be followed by I’m sorry and it does not require an explanation. Depending on whom you are speaking to you can make changes to this rule (my mom would get an explanation). I’m forever practicing this boundary setting skill. I quickly realized once my twins arrived I no longer had an option, they deserved a healthy, well functioning mom. My students deserved the same in their teacher.

So what did I do?

I started seeking out quiet spaces during my planning time so that I could focus completely on my task at hand without distraction. On days when I was ahead I sought out my coworkers for much needed collaboration. I started leaving the building on my lunch. I take a walk to clear my head and get some much needed exercise in the fresh air. I promised my children that I would pick them up at the end of the day. This way I was forced to leave my work place at the sound of the bell. I was also able to give my own children my full attention. I made every part of my day as intentional and present as I could.

You know what I learned?

The problems at lunch were managed by other staff that weren’t on their break. Meetings can be rearranged to occur during my work hours. I started learning that it was okay to ask for help. I discovered once I started saying no to the extra’s that my yes’s were much more meaningful. I was less overwhelmed and I found my time to be much more productive. If I needed to phone a parent and I had run out of time during my planning time, I asked for that support. The more I started doing this the more supported I felt. I stopped being an overwhelmed island and I began to feel like more of a team.

Am I successful with this mindset all of the time?

The short answer is No. I started a few years ago using the 80/20 rule for most things in my life. Guidelines for work, exercise, eating you get the point. This allows me to follow my boundary setting rules 80% of the time and 20% of the time I forgive myself. If I need to stay late to clean my classroom or eat a piece of cake or take the day off from my workout that is okay (once in a while). With all of these small decisions I have formed some pretty great habits that have ultimately made me a much happier person.

So, if you are interested, I would say start small pick one or two little things that you want to change and just start saying No. Set healthy boundaries that are manageable and attainable so you can follow through and make real change in your life. Wishing you the best.

With Love, C.